• ellenbakercoaching

Make this Valentine's Day the last one you spend alone

If you're alone this Valentine's Day, or if you feel stuck in a pattern of unsuccessful, unfulfilling relationships, would you like next Valentine's Day to be different? For me, the Calling in "The One" process helped me to heal the unhealthy relationship patterns that had led to my divorce and a series of other heartbreaks -- and now, this year, I'm building the happy, healthy relationship of my dreams. I became a certified Calling in "The One" coach because I would so love to help you change your patterns, too, and make this Valentine's Day the last one you spend alone.

How does the CITO process work? As mentioned, one of the key pieces is recognizing one's patterns. In my case, this was, in general, not sharing my authentic feelings, avoiding conflict, believing the only way I'd receive love was if I met the other person's needs (while totally disregarding or possibly not even realizing my own), then finally becoming so resentful and unfulfilled that I would, in desperation, leave. I also had a deep "I'm alone" story, which meant that I never asked for the support I needed. I actually -- without exactly realizing it -- really believed I was alone even when I was in a relationship! I would give and give until I was completely depleted. I just didn't know any other way to be; I actually thought I was being kind and loving and generous. But I was totally blind to the fact that I was NOT being kind or loving or generous to myself (or, really, even giving my partner the opportunity to be those things to me). Finally, I did a great disservice to the men I loved by not sharing my authentic self and, of course, by ultimately leaving them, heartbroken and confused as to where it all went so wrong, when they had loved me and believed I was happy. And, for me, the pain of losing these loves was excruciating.

You can better believe this is not a pattern I want to repeat even one more time!

I'm so grateful that I happened upon a copy of Calling in "The One" when I did -- talk about a serendipitous find. Now, not only have I changed my "I'm alone" story to be able to envision a relationship of reciprocal support and authenticity, I have "called in" a man who is everything I could dream of -- including all the ways he triggers my old issues. (Augh.) This time, though, with my newfound awareness of my own patterns and the deep belief that all of this is in service of continued healing, growth, and evolution, I'm doing my utmost to be as authentic as I can be. And I notice, when things start to go wrong, what I can do to get them back on track. Usually it's things like: Don't forget you're not alone in this! Tell him what you're actually feeling! If you feel like he doesn't see what you need, it's your job to make those needs visible! Don't forget that he loves you and it's only you who believe you are not lovable (and that's a lie)!

If any (or all!) of this sounds familiar to you, I would so love to work with you to help you shift your own patterns and stories, as well as any old beliefs that may not be serving you. We do this work without judgment, knowing that the beliefs that have shaped your experience up till now were formed so early in life that you had no control over them. But we can delve into the subconscious now and (quite easily, it turns out) shift them and create new sets of beliefs, new patterns, and, really, a whole new life. The first step is to be able to envision a new story and do away with the old. Then, you set about behaving in new ways, which then creates new evidence to create and solidify your new stories: You really are lovable. You really don't have to be alone. You really don't have to give yourself away or sacrifice your own needs in order to be loved. These dramatic results can truly be achieved in just the seven weeks it takes to work through the book, though, as my experience shows, continued efforts to integrate your new ways of being are necessary, and you'll benefit from keeping your focus on your new learning in the weeks and months to follow, so as not to slip back into old patterns.

If all of this sounds a bit scary, it's natural to be scared of change. But ask yourself this: next year on Valentine's Day, do you want to still be alone? Five years from now? Do you want to keep living out the same unsuccessful patterns?

On behalf of the "future you" and all that is truly possible for you, I urge you to make the commitment right now that you will change your story. You will create more happiness in your life. More love. More fulfillment. You will make more of your dreams come true. Take your first step today and contact me for a free 30-minute consultation to see if coaching really could be the right next move for you. I would so love to have your back on this and to help you make sure that, next year on Valentine's Day, you're spending the day and night with the romantic partner of your dreams.

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