• ellenbakercoaching

Getting Comfortable with Solitude

So why is getting comfortable with solitude so important? If you’re single and looking, you’re probably saying, “Ellen, the problem is I’m tired of being alone!”

The trouble is – and you’ve likely heard this before – a beloved partner can’t solve our “stuff” for us. No matter how much we’d like them to – and no matter how much our clever subconscious might choose them based on the fact that it thinks they can. (For more on this, check out the fascinating work of Harville Hendrix.)

But expecting someone else to fill in the places where we feel empty ends up being a recipe for disaster.

And, if we keep ourselves too busy looking for the right person, waiting for life to start once we meet him or her, that focus can pretty easily camouflage the things within us that are waiting to be healed. Similarly, a constant focus on work, or social media, or taking care of others’ needs rather than our own might mean we end up not knowing who we really are, when someone stops to ask.

Imagine you’re in charge of a spotlight, and you’re shining it out, out, out – always focusing your brilliant attention everywhere other than on yourself.

You can see how that could keep you in the dark on a lot of things that are going on within you.

Now imagine “The One” coming toward you, shining a light of their own. (Yikes!)

Do you know what they’d see? The good, the bad, the ugly?

Getting comfortable with your own company gives you the time and space, essentially, to bring those things to light. Adjust what might need to be adjusted. Accept what can’t be. Become comfortable with – and know – who you really are.

Ask yourself questions, and listen to the answers.

Finally, you’ll learn so much about being present in the present moment. Being okay with what is. Being centered and conscious in the very all-right-ness of who you actually are. You, all by yourself, in your most true and wonderful wholeness.

And when “The One” crosses your path, you’ll know exactly who you are, what you want, and what you have to offer.

Now what’s more alluring than that?

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