• ellenbakercoaching

7 hidden ways you're blocking yourself from love right now

Updated: Apr 23, 2020

Have you been looking for love for a while now, believing that nothing would make you happier than finding and attracting the partner of your dreams -- but, no matter how you try, you just can't seem to find that person?

Maybe you date a lot, or maybe you can't find anyone to date at all. Either way, love just hasn't been knocking at your door, even though you're pretty sure you've been leaving the light on...?

So, what's going wrong? It's easy to point to external factors. Maybe you live in a rural area and think there just aren't any "decent" potential matches around. Or maybe you live in a city and think nobody's taking the search for partnership seriously enough....

But what if your real blocks to love were actually internal? Things you believe that are creating your behaviors, which are subsequently creating your experiences (which then reinforce your existing beliefs)?

And what if, once you removed these internal blocks and beliefs that don't serve you, there'd be nothing between you and the life and love of your dreams?

Here are 7 hidden ways you might be blocking yourself from love -- 7 subconscious beliefs that could be running your show without your knowing it and, unfortunately, setting you up for disappointment, almost before you start.

  1. Deep down, you believe you're all alone in the world -- so you never ask for help and go about life doing everything on your own and acting as if (and almost believing) you're completely self-sufficient.

  2. Deep down, you believe that others are hurtful and untrustworthy and that you must protect yourself at all costs -- so you keep your guard up at all times, never letting anyone get close enough to know the real you.

  3. Deep down, you're actually afraid of love -- no matter how much you consciously think you want it -- so you shy away from it or sabotage it when it's offered, or come up with a hundred reasons why the person in question just didn't measure up to your standards.

  4. Deep down, you believe you're unlovable -- this can be true even when, at the conscious level, you tell yourself that you are lovable -- so you sabotage any budding relationship by behaving badly, thereby proving just how "undeserving" you are.

  5. Deep down, you believe that by having love you'll have to give up something else that's important to you, such as your career -- so you work longer and longer hours and tell yourself you just don't have time for a relationship.

  6. Deep down, you believe you're a burden on others -- so you work harder and harder to prove you don't need anybody at all.

  7. Deep down, you believe others are out to get you -- so, the minute you start to let someone get close to you and then start to feel vulnerable, you lash out to hurt or disappoint them first.

Whew! Now, without judgment, take a deep breath and ask yourself if any of the subconscious beliefs and patterns I've listed here could be true for you. (Numbers 1, 3, 4, and 5 used to run my show! Oh, and also 6. :)

Or does some other deep belief or pattern come up that you feel might be more true for you?

If you uncover something, that's a good thing! Because, in the words of St. Paul, "everything is shown up by being exposed to the light, and whatever is exposed to the light itself becomes light."

In other words, once you've seen the way a subconscious belief is blocking you, you can get after the work of changing it! (Again, we are in a no judgment zone here! Remind yourself that you've been doing the best you can with the learning you've had to this point -- and simply be open to learning new and healthier patterns now.)

It can be difficult to uncover your own unconscious beliefs -- the Calling in "The One" coaching process delves into them deeply and, for that reason and others, it works to really change lives. (I'm living proof, as none of those old beliefs are running my show anymore!)

Meanwhile, in my next post, I'll talk more about how to look at the evidence of your life for more clues to what your hidden beliefs might be, and what it takes to actually shift them -- to finally truly open yourself up to happy, healthy love.

Let me know what came up for you with this -- and which belief specifically you'd like me to write about next time for help deconstructing and replacing it with a new and healthier belief!

"If you are to advance, all fixed ideas must go." -- Joseph Campbell

"If all you can do is crawl, start crawling." -- Rumi

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